Tuesday, 26 June 2012


Discuss... are these simply some rather dull rules of life that us chaps have to suffer with?

  1. Women REALLY make all the decisions and blokes just say ‘yes’ and go along with it.
  2. Your partner may well let you think that you are getting your way the whole time, because otherwise it could well hurt your really fragile male ego.
  3. The idea that you are in charge of everything is purely an illusion which sticks around only because the rules of the world appear to request it.
  4. That elusive "green for go, jump me now becuase I'm well up for sex with you" signal just won’t come out if all you do is hang around waiting for it.
  5. You, the poor, long suffering male, has to do all the hard work when trying to seduce your partner into bed, but then it's actually your partner who will do all of the agreeing to submit to you at every step; from that very first sparkle in her eye to her ultimately surrendering to you sexually. Think back to when you first met your partner, was it her choice to make the decisions at every stage?…
  • She will have sent you the initial “it’s ok to approach me” signal that meant that she was willing to hear you out for a moment or two.
  • Then she decided whether or not she was going to grace you with her phone number.
  • Then she may have agreed to a first date with you.
  • Then if you were lucky she also agreed to date you a second time.
  • Then she may have beckoned you in for your first kiss together.
  • And then several days or maybe even weeks, later she will have allowed further escalation to some passionate kissing and touching.
  • And then finally she gave the permission for some sex, she let you take her clothes off and you got an ok to enter her.
So then... discuss - what’s the answer to this? Is it:
(a) Easy; tell yourself that “hey, that’s life as a man – there are good bits too”.
(b) Get over it and get on with what you’ve got to do.
(c) Stuff that for a game of soldiers, that's not fair.

ps. if you answered (c) then rejection could likely come your way full on in the face if you charge in trying to get sex with your partner without first having seduced her into giving you that ‘green for go’ signal.

The Get More Sex, Get Better Sex Course will help you with all of these issues... try Week 1 of the course for free right now at Barnes and Noble, Smashwords, Good Reads, Kobo, Diesel and Baker Taylor.

Thursday, 21 June 2012

Yahoo answers post - How to spot good opportunities to initiate sex

I answered a post on the Yahoo Answers site titled "How do I change how I initiate sex with my wife?" but due to somewhat limited space for my answer I said that I'd put some additional answers on my blog, they should be useful to all as well though...

How To Spot Good Opportunities For Sex
Yup, you got it – some possible events, times, situations, etc. to keep an eagle out for - for when your attempt to initiate sex with your partner is more likely to be met favourably. Keep a watch out for the following situations, as they may be a good opportunity to try to initiate sex with her – but with all of these do also remember to ensure that your partner is in a good place (ie she's relaxed, its not late and she'll only be thinking about getting some sleep, etc. [there's more on this in a checklist of things to ensure are in place before you try to initiate sex in Week 3 of The Get More Sex, Get Better Sex Course])…
  • When you arent going to be interupted, ie when your children are asleep and aren't going to leap in on you both.
  • If she's showing signs of wanting sex with you (ie she's getting all touchy feely with you).
  • The end of a working week and you dont both have to get up for work the next day.
  • Surprise sex can also work well, ie just take her by the hand and lead her upstairs to the bedroom, then confidently start removing her clothing, kissing her bod as you expose her bod.
  • After a half glass of your partner’s favourite tipple when she’s generally relaxed and in a good place.
And there's 7 more suggestions on Day 14 of Week 3 of The Get More Sex Get Better Sex Course.

Tuesday, 19 June 2012

Increasing your partners sex drive - Wikihow article

Posting an article that the folks at Wikihow considered inappropriate for it's viewers.... thought it may benefit my readers though. Its a really high level summary of the process of getting more sex with your partner....

Increasing your partner's sex drive is relatively easy when you know how. However…. It’s going to take a little bit of hard work on your part, and it’s well worth knowing that the way a woman gets turned on is very different to the way that men get turned on. The process in this article will give you some basic starting pointers in the right direction.
1. First off then – The Ground Rules - Stop doing stupid stuff that’s going to be totally quashing your partners sex drive and putting her off of sex with you. For example; quit pestering her for sex all the time, quit with any anger you may have towards her, stop arguing with your partner, don’t put her down, give her some respect, quit trying to control her, stop using the really rubbish seduction technique of “are you in the mood?” and quit reminding her that you aren’t getting as much sex as you’d like.

2. Lay down good foundations – having stopped doing stupid stuff – start doing good positive things for your relationship. Once you start the positive relationship stuff then you’ve started the process of laying down good foundations for increasing your partners sex drive. What sort of good positive stuff can you do? Well, try; connecting to your partner more, spend time with her, listen (properly) to her when she’s talking with you, remember that women don’t have to have a purpose for a conversation, make your partner feel important, get (really) good at kissing your partner, be positive about her body, value your partners time and help out around the house more, show her some compassion, answer the question when she asks you stuff and get more touchy feely with your partner – all the time, not just when you want to increase her sex drive.

3. Getting you out of the ‘dull sex’ rut – your partner will more than likely have a higher sex drive if you perform well in bed! No pressure chaps! It’s well worth bearing in mind that your partner may not be overly enthused about leaping into bed with you for the same, dull old sex. So go do some homework on how you can become better in bed. There are loads and loads of books out there on what to do, but for starters have a think on this one… if you are going through the same motions every single time you get into bed with your partner then stop it. Just quit being dull in bed - learn some new moves, and break your routine up with these new moves. For example - try changing the way that you initiate sex with your partner for once.

4. Increasing your partner’s sex drive is something that you need to keep topping up on a daily basis – it’s not something that you can magically switch on in the blink of an eye when you want it switched on. On a daily basis you need to be doing stuff that you may well struggle to see how it’s connected with increasing her sex drive; connecting with your partner, talking with her, getting all touchy feely with her, showing interest in her and in what she’s talking with you about, appreciating her, listening (properly) to her, switching off the TV and talking with her instead of watching that programme she can’t stand, telling her that you love her often and giving her affection every single day.

5. And when you’ve got good at doing all of the above stuff – then you’ll have laid down some really decent foundations. Before we move on to the next stages, were you’ll really start moving up the gears to increase her sex drive - it’s worth knowing that there are times when she’s unlikely to be interested, and you’ll really struggle to get her in to the right place. Her sex drive will be lower if any of the following are true; she’s got a whole load of stuff on her mind (we’ll come back to this in later steps), she’s tired, it’s really late in the day and she just wants to go to sleep, she’s really drunk, she’s just eaten a HUGE meal and she’s feeling really full and bloated, she’s not at all relaxed, she feels about as romantic as a mouldy chicken or you’re both going to get disturbed (ie by small children). If any of these are about right then it’s well worth doing what you can to remove them as potential barriers.

6. If you can get good at spotting, or creating, opportunities for when her sex drive is likely to be higher then you’ll have a way better chance of success. Having a weekly date night with your partner, for example, is a great time to be trying to increase your partners sex drive. Having a dedicated night a week where you commit to spending decent, quality time with your partner where you get the opportunity to relax and romance her, will boost the chance of her sex drive skyrocketing. Likewise – watching films with erotic content (I’m talking the Hollywood type here, not your average male oriented porn flick) will do a grand job in fast tracking her sex drive in the right direction. And of course taking your partner away for the weekend to a nice hotel where you both get the opportunity to spend decent, relaxed time together, will work wonders for increasing her desire / drive for sex with you.

7. So how do you take her sex drive to the final level? The level where she’ll be absolutely gagging to get your clothes off? First off – connect with her; make her feel valued and special, listen well to her, spend time with her, catch up, appreciate her – for what she does for you, for your family and for your home, flirt with her, compliment and flatter her and maintain eye contact.

8. Once you’ve connected with her get going with some serious romancing and relaxing of your partner – run her a bath, pour her a glass of wine, make her laugh, make sure that you’ve done all that you can to free her mind of all of the stuff that’s floating round in it, put on some nice relaxing music, candles are your friend – dim the electric lights and go light the gentle flickery kind, make sure that she’s warm – if she’s cold this will only kill her sex drive stone dead, be a gentleman – treat your partner like a lady.

9. And once she’s relaxed and romanced - undertake a little foreplay on her mind… start by banishing your normal dull, everyday conversations about “who’s taking Gemima to ballet on Saturday”, or “what colour you are going to paint the hallway” and instead have some seriously romantic conversations – reminisce about the first time you met, the first time you kissed, your first holiday together. Just build it up slow and be subtle, don’t launch right in and make it obvious that you are trying to steer the conversation round that way. Be charismatic, be funny – make her laugh, introduce a little bit of touchy feely flirting, flirt confidently, go for a little sexual innuendo.

10. And finally when you’ve got all the right signals from foreplaying her mind you can undertake a little foreplay on her bod to take her sex drive to the final level; start by getting touchy feely with your fingers and lips on her erogenous zones, play with her hair, hold her hand, play footsie with her, turn up the dial on your conversations or give her a massage.

Monday, 18 June 2012

Revamped website now gone live - more articles to help you get more

Hello all, our revamped website has now gone live, and there are a good few articles now up there to help you get more, with more articles to come over the course of the next few weeks. Please do go take a look and let us know what you think. Good or bad.

Thursday, 14 June 2012

Revamping the website - should you or shouldn't you schedule a sex date with your partner?

This blog post is an early view of another article that we'll be posting up to our soon to go live revamped website. This one explores the pro's and cons of making a sex date with your partner. It's one that attempts to help you answer the “Should you, or shouldn’t you? question as well as being a short "how to". And as usual this is one geared up pretty much just for the male readers out there. We hope you like it and that it helps you. Do let us know what you think via the comments.

Making a "sex date" with your partner can be a great way of getting more by getting her preparing for and thinking about sex with you, but is it a wise thing to do? In this article we’ll take a look at the pro’s and con’s of having a sex date, and if you decide that it is something that might work for you then we’ve got some great tips for a successful date night in our mini how-to guide. Let’s start off the article though by looking at the pro’s of sex dates...

The pro's of scheduling and having a sex date with your partner
  • Well first off the main benefit to you is that you'll very likely get some sex! Brilliant!
  • Secondly - scheduling in a sex date should go some way to getting you back to those early days of your relationship where you both knew that at the end of your date you would very likely get some sex. Which meant that you both anticipated for this way better, ie you both got prepared for the date way better than you do now; your partner putting on her sauciest underwear, you throwing cologne over yourself, etc. This anticipation of sex could well rejuvenate the excitement around it.
  • She'll "self-prepare" for your sex date because the idea of sex with you gets firmly planted in her mind way earlier in the day, and she should get herself emotionally excited without you having to put in a huge amount of effort to put those thoughts there, let’s call this “getting sex on the brain”.
  • Because of this “self-preparation”, ie just by thinking about it, her brain and body should automatically release hormones that prepare the way for a fabulously hot evening with you.
  • Fifth - it might be the case that normally you both collapse into bed late at the end of a long, exhausting day and the last thing on your partners mind will be sex. But with a sex date it shouldn’t really matter how tired she is, because you've both committed to having sex and therefore...
  • Sixth – you’ll both be making a conscious effort to go up to bed earlier, which is something that if you want your partner to be enjoying the experience as well then it’s certainly worth you doing if you’ve both got to get up for work the next day.
  • A “sex date” is something you can diarise, and you can diarise it with some regularity, ie regularity of sex for you.
  • With a sex date you are both adopting a “just do it” approach (well maybe she is, you probably don’t need much persuasion to have sex) which should work really well, especially if your partner knows that she enjoys it when she gets there but that she just needs that initial push in the right direction.
  • Having a sex date gets you both remembering what is important about your sex life, and it "officially" recognises something that is (hopefully) important to both of you.
  • If you aren't having enough sex at the moment then scheduling sex shouldn't make it boring, quite the opposite - it can potentially have the effect of rejuvenating your sex lives and your relationship.
The Con's of scheduling and having a sex date with your partner
  • Scheduling a date for sex could kill some spontaneity in your sex life.
  • Unless you put in the work your partner might not be “in the mood” enough, and she may just go through the motions with you, and therefore the sex could more than likely just be boring.
  • She may not prepare for the sex date in the quite the same way she used to when you first got together for a whole variety of possible reasons, including, but certainly not limited to; time, work, commitments in the home, children and other family  members.
Okay then, so that’s the pro’s and the con’s. Now its time to have a think. Is this something that you would be happy to suggest to your partner that you schedule in? Do you think it would work for you both?

If you’ve arrived at the conclusion that it is a good idea, and that you’d like to give it a try then it’s probably worth having a read of our “Talking about sex with your partner” article here first, before you begin the conversation. Because if you haven’t tried a sex date with your partner before then suggesting one could well start up quite a frank, open and honest conversation about sex, and you’re going to want to be prepared for it.

Then having done that the following will help you on your way to a successful sex date…

How to have a successful sex date with your partner
  • Firstly then – sit down with your partner and agree a time and date for your sex date that will work for you both…
    • Get your diaries out and plan the date or dates in.
    • This is an obvious point to make, but do try and diarise it for a time that you won't be likely to have to cancel the sex date. View your sex date as a "commitment" that you both make to each other, and hopefully, being a couple who don’t regularly break your commitments to each other, this should mean that you both go through with the date.
    • Make it early enough in the evening to combat the normal issue of not getting any because you are trying to initiate sex with your partner too late in the day. Suggest that the sex date starts an hour before you normally go to bed for example.
    • A morning sex date could also be something to consider?
    • When you put it into your diaries you could try being inventive with how you write it in, you could make a date to, for example, “meet in the bath on Wednesday night”.
    • Try "doing diaries" at the beginning of the month, sitting down together and putting your sex dates in for the entire month. And maybe also putting in a "meeting" where you re-schedule the next months' worth. This one may be a little bit too formal for most, but it’s worth a consideration at least.
  • Talk about the sex date before you diarise it, perhaps to introduce the idea to your partner…
    • Make sure that you are both talking about the subject honestly. Discuss with your partner what has been working right for your sex life and what still needs to be fixed. If you want more sex than you are currently getting then its worth at the very least letting your partner know this, but do it nicely and in the right way, ie no accusatory tones.
    • In order for a sex date to work you both need to be honest with each other and you both need to be in agreement about a load of stuff, ie for starters you both need to be 100% behind the idea of having a sex date.
    • If she seems hesitant about trying a sex date with you then it might be worth mentioning that it could be the “just do it” approach that perhaps you both need. Assuming that this is correct – you could remind your partner that she knows that she really enjoys it when she gets there but that she just needs that initial push in the right direction.
    • If she still doesn’t seem that keen then you could suggest that for your first sex dates that you both start off slowly and perhaps spend the evening on foreplay only. Come to an agreement that there will be no intercourse. This is a great way to build you both up nice and slowly from a situation where there’s not been a lot of sex in a while.
  • When you get to the day that your sex date is happening do all that you can to get yourselves in the mood. Try any of the tips in the relax and romance sections of Weeks 2 and 3 of The Get More Sex, Get Better Sex Course as well as these ideas…
    • You need to remember that just because she's committed to your sex date it doesn’t mean you can skip all of the good stuff that you've got to do to get her in the mood.
    • Sit down and catch up first, talk the day out - connect.
    • Light candles and eat a delicious meal together.
    • Run a bath for your partner so that she can go have a nice long soak, or perhaps both of you leap in the bath together.
    • And if you do then take a bottle of something sparkly with you, offer to wash your partners back for her, dry each other down and then continue your date in the bedroom.
    • Turn your bedroom into a sacred space, decorate it with candles, and get some soft music and lighting on the go. Change your sheets and make sure its smelling nice in there!
    • Do also remember to keep your expectations open and reasonable for date night, those first few might not quite pan out as you hope them too. If they don’t then try a little massage, just hold each other or talk and share some fantasies.
  • Having said all that its also worth remembering that it’s not just up to you to get her in the mood, its up to both of you to be helping to get each other in the mood.
  • And remember that you don’t have to have penetrative sex - just being naked and close will kick start things off again. And if you haven’t had any for a while your partner may well need this bit of extra time to start getting back those all-important tingling’s of desire again.
  • If you've scheduled morning sex then consider setting the alarm to wake you both up 30 minutes earlier than you do normally, that way you are "making the time" for sex, and a quickie before work will set you both up for the day wonderfully.
  • Try occasionally, if money and babysitting will allow, to have a sex date out of the house, perhaps schedule a night away together, or if you can't do a night away just book into a hotel for the night anyway and use the room for an hour or two, then walk out! Do remember to pay in advance though!
  • If your sex life has become dull and boring then you could try scheduling a fantasy "sex date"…
    • Perhaps try putting in two fantasy appointments per month, one where you determine the fantasy, and the other where your partner does.
    • The anticipation for this sort of sex date, assuming you are both ok with it, will be that bit more heightened.
    • You'd want to agree the fantasy with your partner first though, just incase she really wasn’t okay with it, so if one or both of you are uncomfortable talking about it then you could always both write down your fantasies instead, and then swap notes when you’ve finished writing.
    • If your partner says that she really doesn’t have any fantasies then you can of course also suggest that it doesn’t have to be a traditional fantasy, ie schoolgirl and master, but instead it could be her fantasy of a romantic evening with you, ie a romantic dinner together, taking a bath together and you drying her down afterwards, champagne, rose petals in the bath, a massage, etc.
And finally - if you absolutely have to cancel your sex date, then ensure that you re-schedule it, don't skip sex dates, whatever you do, otherwise it could signal the end for this idea working for you both.

Wednesday, 13 June 2012

Revamping the website - Get More Sex By Building The Connection With Your Partner

Get More Sex By Building The Connection With Your Partner

Well hello, and a happy Wednesday! Todays second blog post is another advance screening for an article we'll be posting on the Get More, Get Better website very soon. This article is about the importance of creating and building a "connection" with your partner if you want more sex with her. Have a read, see what you think....

If you want to be getting yourself more sex in your long term relationship then you need to have a good solid connection to your partner. No, not that kind of connection, the other kind, the emotional kind.

So what on earth is this connecting thing that I am wittering on about? Well - in summary it can
be defined as ‘creating intimacy between you and your partner’ or ‘bridging the emotional gap between you both’.

So why do you really need to connect to your partner? For a number of reasons...
  1. In simple terms - if you work on the connection between you and your partner outside of the bedroom - then when you are both inside the bedroom your partner will be much more receptive to your touch and your suggestion for intimacy.
  2. It’s more than likely that your partner will have a need to feel connected to you in order to be in the right place to want to have sex. Again, it really is that simple.
  3. When there are connection issues in a relationship the sex is going to suffer.
  4. All the stuff that you may previously have thought of as nonsense, like; holding hands, talking, candles, nice romantic meals, etc. are all, ultimately, the groundwork that you need to do for sex to be a possibility later on. By doing all of this good connecting stuff you are stirring the hormones in your partner’s bod that will eventually get stirred up enough to put her in the right place to want to have sex with you. And in women you can stir those hormones by doing those ‘nonsense’ simple things.
So how do you connect better with your partner? We’ll get to that in just a second, two more important things first…
  1. When do you connect with your partner? Daily, that’s when. Things such as talking with her daily, appreciating her daily, making time for her every day, having a ritual that you perform every day of making her a cup of tea in bed, spending time snuggled up together every night, listening to her every time you speak with her, keeping up your touch daily, etc. would be great examples.
  2. It’s worth knowing that there is a difference between ‘bonding’, what we chaps do together, and ‘connecting’, which is what women do. Just keep that in mind when reading the following, because there is a big difference between the two.

Okay then, you’ve seen a few ideas already on how you can connect, so here are five more simple ideas…
1) Appreciate your partner
Now, what I’m about to suggest won’t happen immediately, it will take some time to build this up, but eventually (if you’re doing it right) you should find that your partner will love giving back to you when she is not being taken advantage of – in other words – if you treat your partner well then you should get treated well back in return. Okay, that’s the theory, so what’s the practical thing that you can actually do? Well, simply put I suggest that you go out and express your appreciation for your partner in words. Doubtless there are going to be loads and loads of things that you can appreciate her for, all you’ve got to do is to open your eyes to what your partner does for you, for your home, for your family, etc. It might be as simple as her doing the washing up or emptying the dishwasher, or making you your dinner, or looking after your sick child at home. Your words of appreciation don’t have to be much, just a simple “thank you for doing the washing up”, or “thank you for a delicious dinner”, will suffice and will go a long way. There are a couple of golden rules to follow though please:
  • Don’t make appreciating your partner become a habit that you do at the same time, every single day for exactly the same thing. Break it up a little, appreciate her for different things every day.
  • You’ve absolutely got to be genuine in your appreciation. You can’t sound like a robot going through the motions; otherwise it’s almost worse than not doing it at all. Put some feeling into the words that you choose to use.

2) Make her feel valued and special
Let her know that you care and that you are thinking of her. Say nice, positive, stuff to your partner, and do so regularly. That’s quite a wide ranging thing to suggest, so you’ll probably want an example or two… so I would suggest perhaps watching out for things like your partner having chosen a nice outfit to go to work in that day – if she has then make a nice positive comment about it, or if your partner made you a delicious meal the night before then say positive things about the meal, perhaps in a note left before you go to work, in an e-mail or text message maybe. Or perhaps she’s done her hair really nicely that day, comment on that, a simple “your hair looks really nice today” would go down well for example.

What you are looking to do here is to maximise her good qualities, and let her know that you are paying attention to her and that you care. Why? Because the more you do of those things, the more she’ll do them because she feels good about herself and the more she’ll pay attention and care about you and your needs, if you see what I mean.

3) Start a ritual
No, I’m not talking starting a cult here, I’m talking a little simpler than that. A ritual with your partner is what I’m suggesting you start. This could take many forms, and if you start one it shows your partner that you are thinking of her, that you care and that you love her. And doing all of those things helps to get her in the right place. Here are some ideas of the sorts of ritual you can start:
  • Make her a cup of tea before you go to work, or if she’s asleep when you leave then write a nice note and put it somewhere she’ll see when she wakes up, or in an unexpected place. You could say one of the following: just say hello! let her know that you’re thinking of her, tell her you love her, tell her you hope that she has a nice day, that you’re looking forward to seeing her later, etc. Or do them all!
  • Let her know you’ve got to work okay! A simple e-mail, text message or phone call would suffice.
  • Pop a note, a treat or just something silly to make her smile in her work or lunch bag.
  • Kiss lots and regularly, and always kiss her goodnight.
  • Write her a note on a postcard or a letter and send it by post, yes that’s write post it, even if you live with her.
  • Regularly have a weekly, scheduled date night together, without fail!
  • If you can afford it send her flowers regularly. Even once every six months would do just fine, I’m not suggesting that this is a once a week thing.
  • If your partner cooks most of the time then give her the night off of this chore by you doing the cooking, at least once a week will do nicely.
  • Go for a walk once a week together, and hold hands.
  • If she wants to - let her sleep in on a weekend, even if it’s just on a Sunday morning.
Potentially I know that this may all sound really silly, but I promise you that your partner will appreciate these things. Once you’ve started one, or ideally more, of these rituals alternate them out a bit, ie don’t always write the same thing and leave the note in the same place at the same time every week, change the days that you do stuff, don’t be predictable. And once you’ve got the hang of this one keep on doing it…

4) Give your partner your time
Make a conscious effort to spend time with your partner.
  • Make sure that you stop with your partner on a night, ideally a good hour before bed, but if you can’t manage that then at least make sure you take 20 minutes to snuggle up together quietly and ideally just chat, or watch TV and snuggle in close.
  • Take 10 minutes to have a coffee together on a morning before you go to work, or the same amount of time to have a cup of tea together when you get back from work. If you think you don’t have the time then I’m sorry, but you’re wrong! You do have the time, you have exactly the same number of hours in the day as everyone else, it’s about how you use that time – you could set your alarm 10 minutes earlier on a morning for example.

5) Give your partner affection every single day...
...not just when you want sex…
  • Cuddle her, either for no particular reason, or just before you go to work, or when you’ve just got back, hold her round at night just before you go to sleep. Cuddle lots, hold tightly round your partner, close your eyes and breathe deeply whilst you do.
  • Hold her hand more.
  • Kiss her, and do it regularly, each day and every night before you go to sleep, every morning before you get out of bed, before you go to work - there’s no understating how important this one is to build the connection between you both – its right up there amongst the top things that you can do to get your partners motor revving up for sex.
  • Run your fingers over her hand or inside her palm or rub finger tips together randomly (but do this when the moment feels right obviously).
  • When she’s sat with you on the sofa and you’re catching up, or indeed watching the (dreaded*) TV get your partner to put her legs across you, then give her a nice gentle foot massage.

* I only say that its dreaded because you both sat there staring blankly at a moving picture on a screen is not the best of ways to be connecting to your partner.

Tuesday, 12 June 2012

How to get your girlfriend to have more sex with you

In todays post I wanted to answer a question from a chap that I found on the web, its a "how do I get more sex?" question, and the site wouldnt let me post my full response, so as its a fairly standard question and the answer is hopefully useful to all - I thought I'd answer it fully on my blog. Here is the original question...

"My girlfriend and I have been going out for 8 1 year and we live together and i need sex every night but she wants it 1-2 times per week so i try to get somthing going and she says she just dosint want to right now"

And here are my thoughts...

I guess the first question would be - how is your relationship? I'm guessing its in a reasonably good place because she is still happy to have sex with you 1-2 times per week. But if its not then sorting it out would be the first step to getting yourself more. There are loads of things you can do to improve your relationship, I wont go into them all here as it could take forever! but a few pointers would be to...
  1. Ensure that you arent arguing
  2. Not to put your partner down. 
Once you are happy that your relationship is in a good place there are a number of things that I'd suggest that you stop doing if you want more sex...

  1. Quit constantly pursuing your partner for sex. If you are doing this it may well be putting her off of sex with you.
  2. Try not to remind / tell her that you arent getting as much sex as you'd like to be getting. Again this will more than likely only put her off of getting into bed with you more than the 1-2 times you are getting at the moment.
  3. If you've tried initiating sex with her, but she rejects you - then don't "close down" afterwards - just make sure that you are still being "okay" with her - and definetly dont punish her for not giving you sex the number of times per week that you want it.
There are loads more things you should stop if you are doing them, but those are the biggies to watch out for.

Okay - so, having stopped doing those things, start doing this stuff...

  1. Make sure that you are connecting to her, and do this daily, not just when you want sex. How do you connect to your girlfriend more? Spending more time with her is an obvious one, sending her romantic messages if you are away from her during the day would be another, and touch is also really important - non-sexual touch when you are just "connecting" though, ie holding hands, touching her on the small of her back, etc., talk with her more, listen well, and when you do - make sure that you are making her feel important.
  2. Are you helping her out with stuff around the house? It's possible that she might not be giving you sex the number of times you want it becuase she resents you for not helping her with all of the dull domestic chores.
  3. Ensure that you are positively boosting her self-esteem - thats positively boosting her mind, and also ensuring that you are giving her positive boosts about her body as well.
  4. Ensure that you appreciate her, ie appreciate the nice stuff that she does for you, and of course the routine dull stuff, perhaps she's cooked a nice tea for you, make sure that you say "thank you".
  5. Are you setting aside decent quality time for the both of you to relax and connect?
  6. Make sure that you are pleasing her in bed - vary your sexual repertoire, dont always do the same thing in the same order, at the same time, in the same way - again this is a huge topic, for which there are loads of books out there to help you. Just try and mix it up a bit, try a new technique to please her when you do get into bed, try some different positions, are you satisfying her before you satisfy yourself? You are looking to ensure that she's getting some serious pleasure from the experience of sleeping with you, but also to get her feeling excited about getting into bed with you because she's not sure what to expect.
Start watching out for those good opportunities to initiate sex with her... its more likely to be a good opportunity to initiate when...
  1. You arent going to get interuppted.
  2. Youve both been watching a romantic film with some erotic content (and the erotic content has done some of the work to get your partner thinking about sex with you more).
  3. Its not really late in the day and she's only thinking to herself "I need to get up for work in 8 hours, I need to get some sleep".
And when you spot a good opportunity try this to intiate sex with her...
  1. Make sure that you are "connected" with your girlfriend; build the emotional connection you’ll need, make her feel valued and special, use all available technology to ensure that you've connected with her during the day, ie if you've been away from her, send her romantic messages, telling her, for example - that you "cant wait to see her later on", make sure that you've built up your non-sexual touching prior to initiating sex with her.
  2. Make sure that she is relaxed and romanced - has she had time to switch between "hectic work mode" and getting home? Or does she have 101 things on her mind that, for example, she's got to get done at work, or to get done around the house - so ask her if "theres anything you can do to help?", if theres stuff that needs doing around your house for example, if there is then make sure you do it, or perhaps she just wants to talk out her day with you to get those things off her mind. Relaxing and romancing her is basically you showing her that you care for her and that you've been thinking about her, so just do nice stuff for her, ie make her a delicious meal, run her a bath and pour her a glass of her favourite drink to have whilst she's in the bath, put some relaxing, romantic music on that you'll both like, offer to rub her shoulders, flirt with her, make her laugh, and above all - be a gentleman and treat her like a lady.
  3. Thirdly - undertake a little foreplay on her mind; make her feel sexy and build her desire for sex with you by working on her emotions. Get her thinking about sex as much as possible –activate her sexual imagination - you do this through the conversations that you have - this is a huge topic, but to give you some pointers - you won't be seducing your partner into the sack with you if you are having ordinary mundane conversations about the weather, or what you're both going to be doing at work tomorrow, make them fun, exciting and romantic instead - talk about past memories that you've both shared, talk about your future, build rapport with her, start to build your conversations up towards those with sexual context, ie a little bit of sexual innuendo here and there - your aim is to build the sexual tension.
  4. Go for some foreplay on her bod - make sure that you have built up your touch (ie going straight for her genitals is bad!), hold her hand lots, kiss lots, play footsie with her under the table, play with her hair, use your fingers and lips on her more sensitive zones, turn your conversations up a notch - tell her how beautiful you think she is, ask her about her sexual fantasies. Massage is also a great way to get her in the mood, start with a back or leg rub, and build it up to more sensual massage.
  5. And finally, ‘initiate’ sex! Again, a huge topic, and there are many ways to actually initiate sex, but just be bold about it, initiate with confidence.